Yes, Because How Could I Say No? The Autoethnography of a First-Generation U.S. Citizen: Navigating Identity and Culture as a Child of Immigrant Parents Lydia Nicolau University of Rhode Island

Abstract This autoethnography explores the experiences many first-generation U.S. citizens undergo while growing up as the child of immigrant parents. This work will further explore the societal view and treatment of immigrants with a focus on stereotypes, how they affect immigrants, and therefore their children. This work will draw from personal experiences as well as reliable research. This autoethnography will study specific stereotypes such as immigrants being seen as cheap or stingy with money and the tangible, while the reality being that most immigrants work extremely hard to make a life for their families. It will also go into personal experiences regarding first-generation children of immigrants feeling unbearable pressures and feeling a need to comply with familial expectations. Personal experiences will be recounted of growing up within a Portuguese-American household and the internal and external pressures for success and happiness. The narrative makes clear the impacts of growing up as a first-generation U.S. citizen to immigrant parents, and the struggles that come with it for many in search of happiness.

Author’s Biography Lydia Nicolau is a student at the University of Rhode Island(URI) studying Computer Science as well as Public and Professional Writing. While studying at URI, she participated in the Ram Hacks club and enjoyed attending events for the Harrington School on campus. Her areas of interest for future work include technical writing, cyber security, full stack web development, among others.

Yes, Because How Could I Say No? The Autoethnography of a First-Generation U.S. Citizen: Navigating Identity and Culture as a Child of Immigrant Parents When I was ten years old I was on a competitive indoor soccer team for my town of West Warwick Rhode Island. I always loved playing soccer at a young age and thought that I would play until I physically was not able. At ten years old I won my first ever tournament. It was an all day long event where we played three different games to get to that trophy. I remember the sheer happiness I felt winning that day and being able to show my dad my new trophy and medal. Today, that trophy and medal sit on a dusty old shelf in my room, reflecting a seemingly different person’s memories. At age eleven I was told by my parents I could not play soccer competitively anymore. I was sad and angry, I couldn’t understand why they were taking me away from the one thing that brought me the most joy. Now, at the age of twenty reflecting back on that faraway time, I realized that my parents simply put, did not have the money. A large population of Portuguese people lives in Rhode Island. Rhode Island actually has the highest percentage of Portuguese residents per state with 7.6% of the state’s population being of Portuguese descent (“Portuguese Population by State”, 2024). Although Rhode Island has a lot of Portuguese residents, that did not make the discrimination that my parents faced any less brutal. Discriminatory remarks as harsh as slurs and as ignorant as stares were catapulted at people who fought day in and day out for better cards than those they had been dealt. I was fortunate enough to never undergo that level of scrutiny, but my parents were not as lucky. My father works 70 hour work weeks to this day and has since he came to America. My mother worked around 45 hours a week until she had to quit because of a medical condition she developed. The immense amount of hard work and determination my parents had put into life did not make them become viewed as superheroes, like how my brothers and I saw them, it made them become viewed as stingy. I would get asked as a child why I couldn’t go out to eat or why I didn’t wear popular brands like Nike when my parents worked so hard. As a kid, I never understood why either. However, now I know that there was no money available to spend on luxuries like that. My parents always told me to buy school lunch separately from my friends so they wouldn’t know that I had free lunch. Maybe all of that is why when my parents ask me for something now, I will always say yes. The heavy weight of familial expectations rests heavily on my chest daily. I am expected to be great, or nothing at all. Afterall, my parents sacrificed everything they knew to give me the opportunities they never had. How could I possibly not succeed? The thing is, success is viewed and measured differently by everyone. In regards to my parents, success to them would be going to college, going into a field that will pay well, getting a good job, getting married, buying a house, and having kids. When they tell me this, I always respond, ‘yes mom’ and ‘yes dad.’ This is a common occurrence for a lot of first-generation children, in fact, the pressure to succeed is so high that 43% of first-generation college students are also first-generation immigrants (Mamacita, 2023). Almost half of first-generation college students being first-generation immigrants goes to show how hard immigrants work to put their families in the position to succeed. However, college has never been something that I wanted, or at least that I think I have wanted. I am only twenty years old, I have no idea what I really want to do with my life or if I will find fulfillment in my area of study. Since I was young I have always had aspirations to be a baker and I even expressed this to my parents after graduating high school. My dreams were deemed a fantasy and so I was deemed a student for the next coming four years of my life. Security is all they really want for me, that is success to them. Success to me? Simple. Being successful within the eyes of my parents.

Literature Review I am researching the experience of first-generation U.S. citizens of immigrant parents, in the hopes of shedding light on the challenges faced by immigrants and their children through my own personal experiences. To further this research, a background on identity and the pressure first-generation children of immigrants feel will be studied. Understanding these important sub-topics falling under the topic of immigration is incredibly important, especially in today’s day and age with the negative discourse that surrounds the immigrant community.

Identity Identity is the distinguishing character or personality of an individual (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). We all have identities, however, the struggle most often seen within first-generation U.S. citizens of immigrant parents is determining our identities. Knowing one’s identity is not something that is black and white. There are many struggles that come when determining your own identity and being the child of immigrant parents can make finding oneself nearly impossible. “Having an identity can give you a sense of belonging, which is important to your wellbeing and confidence.” (“Identity”, n.d.). This quote displays the importance of having a sense of oneself. One struggle that accompanies finding one’s identity is the pressure placed on immigrant children by their parents. “This difficulty to enter the U.S. influences parents into putting pressure on their children to study degrees that are “worthwhile.” (Lopez, 2023). A large portion of having a sense of your own identity is choosing what you want to do and who you want to be. Having a lot of these important aspects of life dictated by the ones whose opinion you value the most can lead to a lot of children of immigrants having an identity crisis (Lopez, 2023).

External and Internal Factors The pressures many children of immigrants face is, at times, suffocating. After all the challenges that many immigrants face, it is incredibly hard to say no to the people who fight everyday to give you a better life Amirkhan et al. (2023). This unfortunately has negative effects on many children of immigrants. “The pressure that children of immigrants face is high, and the mental health support is low.” (“To Be the Child of an Immigrant”, n.d.). This information is sad but not surprising, as many children of immigrants feel as if it is their duty to do all they can to bring their parents happiness for all they have sacrificed, regardless of how it impacts their mental health or identity. In addition to this, many children of immigrants tend to suffer from chronic guilt. This is because children of immigrants tend to place blame on themselves when going down a different path than the one their parents aspire for them. They can also experience guilt for having more materialistic things than their parents, knowing it was something their parents never had the privilege to have.

Conclusion In conclusion, children of immigrants struggle daily with identity as well as the internal and external pressures placed onto them by familial or even cultural expectations. I know from personal experiences that immigrants, as well as their children, face struggles daily. The struggles that I faced throughout growing up can never measure up to the poverty my parents dealt with daily while growing up in Portugal, however, that does not in any way discount my narrative and struggles or anyone else’s. Overall children of immigrants live life in an uphill battle. I have no idea who I am or what my aspirations are in life, but I do know that finding my identity and purpose is a challenge I am willing to overcome. The weight of familial and cultural expectations have weighed me down my entire life and breaking the cycle and becoming a separate person from my parents, while remembering and being thankful for their sacrifices, is how I will take the reins over who I am and who I will become.

References former Collegiate Mental Health Innovation Council member. (n.d.). To be the child of an immigrant. Retrieved from https://www.mhanational.org/blog/be-child-immigrant#:~:text=To be the child of an immigrant means taking responsibility,mental health support is low. Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Identity. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved October 7, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/identity Identity. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/information/young-people/well-being/resources/identity Lopez, J. (2023). An identity crisis for children of Immigrants. Retrieved from https://dailytrojan.com/2023/01/26/an-identity-crisis-for-children-of-immigrants/ Mamacita, M. (2023). First Gen immigrant, first gen student...and first gen professor. Retrieved from https://medium.com/millennialmamacita/first-gen-immigrant-first-gen-student-and-first-gen-professor-f8f596fe2c09 Portuguese Population by State 2024. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/portuguese-population-by-state